I am a bad bad blogger. I know this. I have started several posts in the last few months and have not been able to finish them. I have never been good at keeping a journal, so I am going to blame some of my neglect on that. But in the year 2012 I will try to be better. I also see my blog going in a different direction. Maybe not focusing so much on cycling but more on the other adventures in my life, throw a little family in along with other stuff.
I recently read another bike racers blog and he said something to the effect of “I have not been posting because it is hard to write when you’re not doing as well as you want to, it is hard to put down that you are not reaching your goals, having crappy races, and not really doing what you know you can.” I can relate to this. It got harder and harder for me to post about how bad I was doing. It is only my first year of racing, but still when ya finish last or second to last in most races it starts to get to a person. No matter what you learned or how much fun you had. I did learn a tremendous amount this year in racing cyclocross and did have a lot of fun, but I also DNF (did not finish) a race due to my asthma, which made me cry, but that is for another blog post all together. Looking back on my season I did well, and feel good about it, and will be better prepared for next season.
Another reason I think I have not written is over the last few months my life has changed. For starters, CivilRacer and I are no longer together. This hit me hard, harder than I want to admit. I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason and this falls under that everything category, but emotions are a bitch and hard to reason with sometimes. When it happened I was not sure I wanted to ride anymore. He was not the reason I started riding, but a big reason I jumped instead of eased. That thought lasted all of a few days. I missed my bike. It was a simply as that. CivilRacer and I remain friends and he still answers most of my biking questions, for now.
I also took over running my cycling team. It is very hard for me to express how much this means to me. I know the person who passed the torch to me believes in me, and trusts that I will lead it to bigger and better things, but it is also WOW a lot of pressure. You might not believe me, but I think it might be a tossup on who scares me more; the 30 wonderful, talented, beautiful kick ass women on bikes; or the 18 6 and 7 year olds in my girl scout troop. I will tell you one thing; they are both good for me and I need them. The team helps me to stay focused, to learn new things, and I get to promote something I love. I also get to see others fall in love with cycling. This is something that I couldn’t t ever do on my own. In business you surround yourself with people smarter than you, so that is what I did. I could not be happier with these women who help me stay grounded in the craziness that is a women’s cycling team.
You might have caught the 18 1st graders in my Girl Scout Troop comment above. I, along with two other wonderful women, started a GS troop last year with 9 girls. I guess we did something right because at the start of this school year we had 18 who wanted to be a part of the troop. These will probably be some of the adventures I start to talk about. I learn so much from the girls, and no matter what else I have going on in my life, I walk into our meetings and see their faces excited about what we are doing and know that is what really matters. I make a difference in their lives as much as my troop leaders did for me. There is nothing like a 6 year old saying, “I cannot wait until our next meeting, Girl Scouts is so much fun.”
Work wise, I still love my job. Over the last few months, however, it has been slightly frustrating. I do not have a boss at this time and have not for a while. For the most part I do not need a boss. Even when I did have one he let me do my thing, but I knew he was there if I needed him. The biggest difference without a boss is in communication. I have found that I am left out of some stuff that was pretty important for me to know about because someone assumed someone would let me know about it. This is stressing me out a bit because I will have a new boss soon, and I worry about he/she not understanding my work style. Something my old boss did very well.
One of the highlights in the last few weeks; I was informed I will soon be an Aunt. My little sister and her husband are expecting their first kid. I cried with joy when they told me this. This does not come without stress. I worry that everything will be okay, will I be a good aunt, and this kid is not going to have any cousins close to its age on my side of the family. Yes, stupid stuff, but still stuff. Look for a post about this as time goes on.
Speaking of cousins close in age, one other big change to my life is I have a new roommate as of January 1st, 2012. My cousin, who is 8 months older, moved in. My sister who is 14 months older than me has lived with me for 3 years and we work well together. Adding one more to the mix will be interesting. We have always been around each other and close, more like sisters than cousins, and I hope this holds true with the move. When I was a kid I would tell them we would all live together someday and they would laugh and say ‘yeah, right, that will never happen.’ Never say never.
This move brought on a massive purge, something that needed to happen. I think in purging my stuff it helped me to also clear my mind. Nothin’ like getting rid of shit ya just don’t need any more.
The last few months have also brought wonderful new friendships. I am an extrovert in all meanings of the word and love meeting new people, however in the recent past I was doing just that, meeting new people. I was not fostering friendships. Over the last year I have cut back on networking and started to do more hanging out. I have met and now have a few more close friends to help talk me off the ledge, talk me into stupid stuff (like my first Mountain Bike Race), tell me it is okay to cry, accept me for me, and even make me go out during the middle of the week.
To say I am not a religious person would be putting it lightly. To each his own in life on that matter. I do believe in blessings. I am a very blessed person with all the good I have in my life. Most days are happy and even on the not happy days I am thankful for all that I have. The year 2012 will be a year for me to be thankful and count my blessings, even if it is just thankful to be getting out of bed or not having too. Yes, 2012, I will make things happen. Look for my 2012 goals posted soon.